Why I feel peace about staying in Memphis 07/07/2011

If you know me personally, you know that I have had a rough year. If you don’t know me personally, here is the short tale. I moved 16 hours from my parents and 6 hours from my sister to a town where I didn’t know anyone to teach. At the beginning, I really felt that God had called me here. It had just fallen together in the perfect way. I spent my first year of teaching in a classroom, and my head spun. I doubted whether I should continue teaching. I felt completely lost. I couldn’t find a church home. I called my mom crying at least once a week (or 5 or 6 times a week…). I took a brief break from loneliness from October-February when I dated a wonderful man who might have had a few problems, but I was sure that he was the one. As you can see that the above time length ends in February, you may have guessed: he’s not the one. Beginning in March, I gave up on Memphis. I started rabidly applying to jobs in Chattanooga to be close to my sister. I craved being close to family and being able to watch my niece and nephew grow up. I even had a job interview in June that went amazingly well with a principal. However, the school system would not release my application to the principal–apparently I didn’t fit their current needs. I was broken. I wanted to curse at God, who I had progressively distanced myself from during the year because I was mad. I was disgusted that He had brought me to Memphis to just leave me.

Deep breath. I was driving to Nashville to catch a flight to Orlando for our family Disney trip. During the three and a half hours that I drove at the break of day, I listened to my Francesca Battistelli CD and felt the most peace with God as I had felt in a long time. I didn’t know why, but I just feel like everything will be okay. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) God was finally intervening in my self-deprecating, self-absorbed, victimized thought cycle and granting me peace, even though I REALLY don’t deserve that peace, based on my behavior for the past year.

So, I feel peace about staying here at least another year. I think God has a lot to teach me about who I am, both as a teacher and as a person. And who knows, perhaps one day He will grant my heart’s desire to have my family nearby. But if not, I know He’ll have my best interest close to His heart. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26)

P.S. It’s been almost 2 years since I blogged, and I probably won’t blog any more often, but my heart needed to pour this out. Thanks for listening.

Why Memphis? 08/15/2010

This is the question everyone here asks me when they find out I moved to Memphis 3 weeks ago from the North.  I find it so hard to articulate all of the things that have brought me here.

Luke 14:27  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

Above all else, God brought me here.  I have tried to tell God “no” before, and it didn’t work out too well for me.  I prayerfully entered this season of my life, looking for a job in education.  I had my own desires for where I would move–Tennessee, to be near my niece and my sister.  The more I looked at jobs, the more I felt like Memphis might be where God is calling me.  But I really wanted to be in Nashville.  My sister lived there for 5 years, and I loved it there when I went to visit.  I applied all over the Eastern Tennessee area, and got no phone calls, no e-mails, nothing from any schools in that area.  Every time I went to teachers-teachers.com, the first thing that came up EVERY TIME was Teach Memphis.  I applied to Teach Memphis, and then also decided to look at the county schools around Memphis.  Lo and behold, I heard from both of them.  I got an interview with the county school system.  This is when I began to see pretty clearly where the Lord wanted me.  When I came here to visit the first time and to interview, I knew.  I felt it in my heart that this is where I belonged.  And 3 weeks after my interview, I got my job offer.

So…here I am.  I left my family, my friends, and everything I knew to follow what the Lord wants.  I am so interested and excited to see what He has for my life in the coming months.

hopeless romanticism 07/07/2010

Last year around this time, I thought I had found my soul mate.  The person I would be with forever.  Fortunately, that wasn’t the case.  Because he was the worst possible thing for me.  Ever.  I think maybe that’s when I lost my marbles.  I bought wedding catalogues.  I made a theknot.com account.  I thought about wedding colors.  Somehow, I had found my worth in this man who ended up emotionally battering me to the point where I thought I was worthless.

I am so thankful that I have been able to bounce back since then.  I finally cut him completely out of my life in December.  (Why it took me so long, I don’t know)  Since then, I have slowly but surely built myself back up, and have realized that I deserve better than all of that.  Much better.  And I finally, finally feel like I could be in a relationship again.  When I think about the guy that I went on three dates with in February, I am very sorry.  He didn’t get the adequate chance with me that he deserved because my heart was bruised.

I know God has a plan for me and for my heart.  He sees my compassion, my drive, my love of my family, my desire to move South…and He knew it all along.  He knows all of the desires of my heart and has someone for me.  He has hand-picked him and one day, we’ll find each other.  In God’s time.

I don’t always want to wait on the Lord.  I try to get on EHarmony on free weekends because 1 out of 5 relationships now start online.  I know that no matter what I do, it will all be in His time.  So, for now, I’m waiting.  Impatiently; but I’m still waiting.

Not feeling well… 03/03/2010

Sorry it’s been a few days, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather. Happy to say, though, that I did WATP 2 mile walk today!

Talk to you when I feel better 🙂

Ashley

Social Butterfly 02/28/2010

I have always been a social person.  Growing up, I would make a new best friend every time I went to the neighborhood pool.  In high school, I had a group of friends, and I was always at one of their houses or having them over to mine, or headed to the coffee shop my parents’ friends owned.  I wasn’t usually at home.  In college, I was never alone!  I was always with people, even if I had to study.  There was a group of us who would even have huge study parties that sometimes lasted most of the night.  That’s how I completed my thesis.

Since moving to Pennsylvania, I am not that kind of person anymore.  There are very few people here that I am really MYSELF with.  It really scares me; I am afraid that I may have lost my bubbly sociable self somewhere along 95 between Virginia and here.  I miss being around people all the time.  I miss making new friends all the time.  I find myself making excuses NOT to hang out with people.  I DON’T want to be an introvert.  And I really feel like I still get my energy from being with people, and doing what I love.

So, since I am improving myself in Losing It 2010 nutritionally and hopefully physically, I have one social goal to add to the pile: GET OUTTA MY SHELL.  I never even HAD a shell before.  I need to put myself out there, and just do it.  I don’t think in the beginning that I’ll like it, but I want me back.

Love! Ashley

Water…Arch Nemesis 02/27/2010

I’m at 12 oz. of water today.  And it’s 5:19 p.m.  Sigh.  I just can’t make myself drink it.  Any suggestions on how you get your eight glasses of water a day?

BUT I did do another mile of WATP (Leslie Sansone) today and that makes me feel GREAT.

Detox/Cleanse still going.

Losing It 02/26/2010

I have always determined to NEVER EVER write about losing weight on the internet. Mostly because I think I should just be doing it for me. Not for anyone else. But lately, my sister @ vanderbiltwife.com has started participating in an bloggy event called Losing It. And since I just happen to be doing a detox/cleanse right now, and then hopping back onto the South Beach diet train, I guess I can participate. However…I haven’t weighed myself yet, because I just don’t want to know. I know I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, but I am so done with it. I’m ready to get healthy. So…I should be joining the Losing It club soon. I will NOT be posting my actual weight, but will share my %age of weight lost each week. I should share that my long-term goal is to be able to walk in the 3-day Walk for the Cure next year. I know I am not in the shape to do it today, but I hope I will lose some weight and get in better shape this year, so that I will be able to do it next year.
I will say that I did Leslie Sansome’s Walk Away the Pounds 1 Mile walk today. It was 20 minutes, and so easy to do. I most of the time hate exercising, but if my sis can do Jillian Michaels’ 30-Day Shred (which I am convinced would kill me), I can do WATP. Leslie rocks!

This week’s goals:
Drink 64 ounces of water a day
Exercise 4 days (1 day down!!)
Continue with Detox/Cleanse

Just a short one 02/20/2010

• I lamented over not having a valentine. again. And then yesterday, I received probably 25 valentines from my class. Hard to feel like I didn’t have a valentine then 😉
• The “milk-a-what” commercial came on today. It is so the best.
• I got the highest heels I have ever owned yesterday. For those of you who don’t know…after my boyfriend and I broke up, I got into an obsession with heels. I love them, because I could never wear them with him…he was 5’4″, too.
• And the thing that made my day: In Percy Jackson series book 3, they introduce the god Apollo.  And he makes up random Haikus.  It is SO funny.  I’m not really sure why this amuses me.  But it does.

Just some thoughts… 🙂

Love! Ashley

American Idol Picks 02/18/2010

Sooo…I’ve made my American Idol preliminary pick for winner.  My brother-in-law and I agree that Andrew Garcia will be the winner this year.

Andrew Garcia

I absolutely loved his voice, and who can resist falling in love with a father who loves his family?  His reaction with huge tears pulled on my heartstrings.  He was so overcome, like he realizes what an opportunity it is.  I think he will be innovative like Adam Lambert was, in a different way.  I love it when people re-arrange familiar pieces in a new way, and I think the rest of America does as well.  I’m looking forward to seeing him.

 Bummers for me:

The girl from Philly whose Dad died the first season she tried, then she had to go to jail because she couldn’t afford traffic violations, and now her mother is missing.  I was really rooting for her, but she didn’t make it.

The 16 year old guy who was up against Adam Garcia for the last 2.  I really wish he would’ve gotten a spot over one of the other guys–he was SO talented.  I hope he comes back next season, since he’s so young!  I’m sorry I can’t remember his name.

Who are your picks, friend?

Love! Ashley

bloggy faiiiiillll 02/17/2010

I have been gently nudged by two of my girlfriends in the past 24 hours that I should be blogging. Point taken, my friends. Life has just been a whirlwind for the last month, with student teaching and life in general. I am absolutely loving student teaching–I am excited that I seem to fit OK in the profession that I’ve chosen.
Life can be frustrating sometimes, but I am hanging on, and holding on to JOY.
On a side note, have you read the Percy Jackson series or seen the brand-new movie? I read the first book and saw the movie while we were on break due to heinous amounts of snowfall. It was amazing, love the book…the movie was really great, but it wasn’t much like the book. I highly recommend both, though. I’m reading the 2nd book now. Excited to see what happens!
For now, I’ll leave you…with a picture of my adorable niece.

Love! Ashley